Skip to content

Wind Through the Fence (Flash Fiction)

March 22, 2013

My first try at the Friday Fictioneers challenge. I like the idea of coming up with a story based on a photo and reading what other folks have created. A thank you to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for posting the photo prompts!

Horse Drinking Hose Water

He was grateful the man turned on the hose, with the stream flowing lower. The man was kind with gifts of carrots and brushing, saying, “You shouldn’t run so much on these hot days. Where ya runnin to, anyway?” The horse coughed out some water. In asking, the man would never know. Especially with his mere two legs never showing hurry. He’d never know the wind on your skin, the sound in your ears. Muscles working their glorious purpose. Outrunning the shadows of the clouds. Even though they are slow, the clouds know as they laugh at the fence. Freedom.

 


Story copyright Dave Williams

Photo copyright Douglas M. MacIlroy

Advertisements
44 Comments leave one →
  1. March 22, 2013 4:51 am

    Though the man is kind and means well, he apparently doesn’t understand the urge of a horse.. this was good:) Glad you are taking part in FF.

  2. March 22, 2013 5:18 am

    AnElephant understands.
    And loves this.

  3. March 22, 2013 5:19 am

    I like your take. The part about clods knowing and appreciating the freedom is wonderful.

    🙂

  4. March 22, 2013 6:36 am

    Excellent POV work here. Seeing life from the horse’s view – Awesome!

  5. March 22, 2013 7:17 am

    This was lovely! Thanks for stopping by mine.

  6. March 22, 2013 9:28 am

    nicely done – glad you’ve joined

  7. March 22, 2013 9:41 am

    Hi Zooky, I especially enjoyed your last line about the clouds. It was a great first effort. Nicely done!

  8. March 22, 2013 10:00 am

    It makes me want to take a ride on that horse. Great imagery.
    Denmother

  9. March 22, 2013 10:42 am

    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers! This is a great story – I like how plainly stated each sentence is. The only thing that held me up was the switch to the second person half way through.
    I can see that you can’t use ‘he’ instead of ‘your’ in this sentence – He’d never know the wind on your skin – because then you’d be talking about the man and not the horse, but it did draw me up short.
    Claire

    • March 22, 2013 11:10 am

      Thanks! I can see what you’re saying about the switch to using “your.” I have to admit that was unconscious, and reading the story again, I think I was going for a more general sense, of not just the man but others like him, too. Thanks for stopping by!

  10. March 22, 2013 1:04 pm

    I truly loved this. My personal take on your written words for the picture prompt this week is the best one. In the moment I wanted to be a horse and feel those feelings. Thank you! And welcome to the Friday Fictioneers. 🙂

    • March 22, 2013 3:25 pm

      Thanks so much for your kind words. I really enjoyed writing this story — and I’ll sure to join in the fun on more weeks.

  11. March 22, 2013 1:34 pm

    Great story – I especially liked “the clouds know as they laugh at the fence” – you really managed to capture the call of the wild.

  12. March 22, 2013 1:57 pm

    Welcome to our group. The man does not know the horse is fulfilled when running across the field. A pleasure comes in its exercise and lifestyle, one he can never understand.

  13. March 22, 2013 2:10 pm

    Welcome, and I enjoyed your story. Looking forward to more.

  14. March 22, 2013 4:27 pm

    Welcome to the FF. You did a very good job with this. I, too, wrote from the horse’s POV.

  15. March 22, 2013 4:56 pm

    Welcome, Dave, and thanks for giving us a glimpse into the joys the horse experienced and the sadness or pity he felt for the more earthbound man.

    janet

  16. March 22, 2013 6:18 pm

    Your creativity is a celebration for us all…loved it!

  17. March 22, 2013 6:31 pm

    some very lovely language in this story. “Outrunning the shadows of the clouds.”– a favorite line

    He’d never know the wind on your skin, the sound in your ears. (You may consider changing the “yours” to “his”

    • March 23, 2013 6:42 am

      Yeah, that switch to “yours” does look awkward in another reading. Thanks for stopping by and reading my story!

  18. March 22, 2013 6:35 pm

    Welcome to the Fictioneers. Your first addition is a sweet story and I love the voice of the horse.

  19. March 23, 2013 7:23 am

    Dear Dave,
    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I’ll warn you that many of us find this exercise highly addictive. I particularly liked “Outrunning shadows of the clouds.” Very nice first entry. I look forward to more from you in the future.
    shalom,
    Rochelle

    • March 23, 2013 7:39 am

      Many thanks! I had a wonderful time crafting the story. And here’s looking forward to next week’s prompt. Thanks for providing us with photo inspiration.

  20. March 23, 2013 9:19 am

    Nice job presenting the unsuspected depth of the inner mind of an animal we take so for granted. And his thoughts are quite a bit nobler here than in my story! A good debut for the Fictioneers for you …

  21. March 23, 2013 8:19 pm

    Hi Dave,
    Welcome to the party. Great first effort. You really captured the feel of being a horse galloping across the land for sheer pleasure. Good writing. Ron

  22. March 24, 2013 12:05 am

    welcome to the community, Dave. i enjoyed reading the thoughts from both characters…the human showing concern and love and the horse wishing the human could understand his nature. well done for your first one. ♥

  23. March 24, 2013 10:52 am

    Welcome to FF, I see you took to this like a horse to water. 😉

  24. March 24, 2013 11:17 am

    Love that outrunning the clouds. Just lovely. and welcome to FF

  25. March 24, 2013 7:03 pm

    welcome – your story was natural and flowing.

  26. March 25, 2013 9:21 pm

    Wow…I really enjoyed your word usage and style. Great work man. Loved the line about the clouds knowing, good stuff..First timer…hhhhmmmmm. Sure hope it ain’t your last. Excellent use of language and meter.

    Tom

    • March 26, 2013 4:45 am

      Many thanks for your kind words. And that won’t be my last time for the Fictioneers. I had enjoyed writing the story too much to stop after only once!

  27. March 26, 2013 12:42 am

    A different and well written take on the photo prompt. I loved the part about muscles working their glorious purpose and the clouds know as they laugh at the fence

  28. californiakyle permalink
    March 27, 2013 2:52 am

    Love this one. Man can never truly know the freedom that a horse does.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: