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Thanksgiving Dinner Fights Back (poem 47)

November 26, 2010

I hope everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving had a good time yesterday with lots of great eats. Here’s a Thanksgiving poem about when the food has it up to here with being eaten and fights back. Inspiration for this poem was Adam Sandler’s hilarious Lunch Lady Land… but the heroic sloppy joe doesn’t come to save the day this time.


The turkey was the first to attack,
hitting me so hard,
I landed flat on my back.
I stumbled to my feet,
dazed and perplexed,
wondering what made
the turkey so vexed.

Then the turkey shouted,
“We’re sick of being your feast!
Every year, you chow us down
like a savage beast!”

The cranberry sauce yelled,
“Now we’re the boss!”
and decked me in the mouth
with a wicked right cross.

The mashed potatoes
proved it wasn’t meek
by slapping me hard
across the cheek.

The rolls rolled around,
laughing in delirious fervor.
I shouted, “How dare
you have the nervor?”

The rolls didn’t answer,
but I was kicked in the gut
by the cornbread stuffing
made with hazelnut.

Then the gravy got all crazy,
the yams snickered with the hams,
the green beans punched the fastest
I’ve ever seen.

Finally, as I lay bruised and battered,
my clothes all tattered,
the pumpkin pie spit in my eye.

Unable to take the
beatings any more,
I dragged myself
slowly across the floor.
To the safety of the kitchen,
sliding on my belly,
where I made a nice sandwich
of peanut butter and jelly.

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